I'm not crazy
by storming-wolf
Summary: After Macy dies in a car accident, Nick becomes schizonphrenic. Determined to mentally, emotionally, and phsically harm, or even kill, himself, his family tries to get him help. Will Nick ever be the same again? JONAS. NACY
1. Prologue

Did anyone see Demi's preview for Grey's??? SHE WAS GOOD! That's why I wrote this!

* * *

May 27th, 2010. That was the day Macy died in a car crash. June 7h, 2010. That was the day Nick lost control and went crazy.

It was the morning of June 7th. Nick walked down the stairs, his hair dyed black and cut marks visible on his arms.

"Nick, what did you do?" Sandy asked. Nick said nothing, but stared blankly at nothing. Then, he let out a terrified scream.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Nick yelled, running into the kitchen.

"Nick, you're going crazy," Joe said in a worried tone.

"I'm not crazy." Nick said calmly. "I'm _not_ crazy." This time, with a hint of anger. "I'M NOT CRAZY!" Nick yelled. He grabbed a knife off of the counter to his right. He positioned it over his wrist. "Call me crazy one more fucking time and I swear to god I'll cut myself, right in front of you all." Nick said.

"Nick, don't do this," Tom said. Nick moved the knife infront of his chest, right above his heart.

"Come any closer and I'll stab my self. I'll die then, huh? I stab my self and I DIE! THEN I'LL BE WITH HER!" Nick yelled. his breathing was heavy has his shaky hand inched closer to his chest.

"Nick, please stop," Frankie said, tears rolling down his cheeks. Nick suddenly froze.

"SHUT UP!" Nicke yelled. He dropped the knife. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY!" Nick fell to the floor, crying harder than he did at Macy's funeral.

"You're lying. All of you. I'm not crazy. You took her. You fucking took her. what did she do to you? I'm not crazy. Stop saying that. I'm not crazy. Stop. Stop. STOP!" Nick reached over for the knife...

* * *

Yeah, Nick drops the f bomb a lot but hey, rated it T, getting my ratings worth.


	2. Goodbye Macy

ELEVEN DAYS EARLIER

"So, you come here and then we'll go to the movie," Nick said.

"Sounds cool. See you in a few Nicky," Macy said.

"Love you Macy. With all my heart and soul. You're my life, my love, my inspiration-" Nick went on. Macy giggled.

"Stop writing a song Nicky. Love you baby," Macy said.

"Love you too Macy. Bye," Nick said.

"Bye," Macy said.

"Nick, can I come with you and Macy?" Frankie asked. Man, Nick forgot that he had to babysit Frankie that night.

"Sure buddy. Hurry up though. Macy'll be here soon," Nick said. Frankie quickly got ready and sat on the couch with Nick. Time passed and Macy never came. She never called or picked up the phone. Then, the news report Nick will never forget came on.

_"In latest news, a black Sunfire convertible had crashed into a silver Pontiac about half an hour ago. Both drivers have been confirmed dead. Among those drivers was Macy Misa, all star athlete for Horace Mantis Academy and girlfriend of local rockstar, Nick Lucas."_

"Nick" Frankie started.

"M-Macy's g-gone?" Nick said, a tear falling from his face. Frankie placed a hand on Nick's shoulder, but Nick pulled away. "She can't be gone." Nick said. "SHE CAN'T!"

* * *

Nick began refusing everything. Eating, sleeping, songwriting, talking. He didn't believe Macy was gone. He pushed away the comfort from his friends, family, and the fans because it reminded him of the truth. The only thing he could do was write in his journal. He wrote about how much he missed her. How much he loved her. How he longed to see her face, hear her voice, and that smile that made him who he is. But, as Macy's funeral came closer, the entries became darker. They were about the voices. The ones that blamed him for her death. The ones that overpowered his mind with thoughts of death and sucide. The ones that were taking him over.

Macy's funeral was on May 30th. Nick cried so hard. He bit his lip until it bled to stop from crying any harder. After the funeral, Nick returned home, went into the bathroom, and locked the door. He pulled out a pocket knife and began slowly stroking it on his wrist, harder and harder each time. He cut his wrist. Deep. There was so much blood, but it felt so good. It was as if with every drop of blood, the pain of losing Macy dripped out with it. Looking down at his wrist, he cut the letter M into his wrist. _Ha. M for Macy Marie Misa. Born March 19th, 1992. Died May 27th, 2010. Why are M's so relevant to her?_

May 30th, 2010: _Nicholas Jerry Lucas became a cutter. And he liked, no, **loved** it._


	3. Nick inturrputed

The days past and Nick found an enjoyment in hurting himself. Only because _they_ told him to. The voices inside his head. The figores that haunted him at night. Nick tried going into insulin shock one day, but didn't have enough insulin to do so. What was wrong with him?

NICK'S POV

I sat on the kitchen floor, my hand shaky as I inched the knife closer to my chest.

_"Just do it Nicholas. Macy wants you to do it. She'll think you're crazy if you don't. Everyone will."_

"No they won't." I dropped the knife.

_"Crazy, crazy. Nicholas is crazy."_

"Stop_."_

_"Crazy."_

"Stop."

_"You're crazy."_

"STOP!"

_"We'll stop, but you have to do what we tell you to do. Cut you're wrist and dye you're hair black."_

"Fine. I will." I took the knife and cut my wrist. I took black _permenet_ dye and dyed my hair black.

_"Good Nicholas. You're still crazy." _I didn't deny it. I knew I was crazy. I hated when people told me that. All I can do is deny the truth.

KEVIN'S POV

I read his journal. It was hard to believe.

_"I'm not crazy. I'll kill myself if you say it again. You don't think I will? I'll get the knife right now."_ I threw the book when I heard footsteps. It was...Nick? That couldn't be my little brother. His hair was black instead of light brown. His arms were cut, blood dripping down them. If I knew any better, I could say he had schizophernia. No, he couldn't be schizonphrenic. I'm seeing things, I must be. I'm dreaming, right? I pinched myself, OW! I'm not dreaming. Somethings wrong with my brother.

THE NEXT MORNING

I told Mom and Dad everything. The journal, the hair, the cuts, what I thought it to be. Then, he came downstairs.

NICK'S POV

"Nick, what did you do?" Mom asked.

_"Crazy." they_ mocked. I screamed.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I yelled.

_"We'll stop when you die."_ I ran into the kitchen.

"Nick, you're going crazy," Joe said.

"I'm not crazy." NicI said. "I'm _not_ crazy. I'M NOT CRAZY!" I yelled. I grabbed a knife. I put it over my already scarred wrist. "Call me crazy one more fucking time and I swear to god I'll cut myself, right in front of you all."

"Nick, don't do this," Dad said. I moved it in front of my heart.

"Come any closer and I'll stab my self. I'll die then, huh? I stab my self and I DIE! THEN I'LL BE WITH HER!" I yelled. My breathing heavy, I inched the knife closer to my chest.

"Nick, please stop," Frankie said, tears rolling down his cheeks. I stopped.

_"Crazy idiot. You let a stupid nine year old tell you what to do?"_

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, dropping the knife. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY!" I fell to the floor crying.

_"You crazy weak idiot. Its your fault she's dead."_

"You're lying. All of you. I'm not crazy. You took her. You fucking took her. What did she do to you? I'm not crazy. Stop saying that. I'm not crazy. Stop. Stop. STOP!"

_"They're not looking. Do it now."_ I grabbed the knife.

"NICK STOP!" Kevin yelled. I attempted to push Kevin off, but he was too strong.

"Nick, you need help. We want to help you, not hurt you," Kevin said.

"Go to hell." I didn't want to say that. _They're taking control._

June 7th, 2010: Nick started losing control.


End file.
